倫敦:倫敦奧運會外國遊客生存指南

The 8,000 volunteers who will welcome international visitors to London 2012 have been issued with a 66-page instruction manual, covering everything from foreign etiquette to uniform care and advice on dealing with journalists. But what of the visitors themselves? Could they not do with a manual outlining the customs, manners and practicalities of the islands they are visiting? We hereby present a simple guide to UK etiquette for the 2012 Olympics.

負責2012倫敦奧運會國際遊客接待的8000名志願者，收到了一份長達66頁的指南手冊，裏面包含了大小事項，從國外禮節到着裝細節再到如何和記者打交道。可是外國遊客們的指南在那裏呢？沒有指南手冊告訴他們即將遊覽的英倫三島的習俗、禮儀和其他事項，他們能行嗎？爲了2012倫敦奧運會，我們下面就來簡單介紹一下外國遊客在奧運會期間的倫敦生存指南。

Welcome, and before we begin – please accept our apologies. Your four-hour nightmare wait at passport control should not be taken as a symptom of Britain's contempt for foreigners. It is merely a symptom of a woeful lack of spending on a key aspect of travel infrastructure in the run-up to a hugely important event. In other words, it's the government that hates you. Don't worry, they hate us too.

歡迎來到英國，不過在我開始介紹之前請先接受我們的道歉。你們在入境檢查時等了4個小時的噩夢本不應該是英國輕視外國人的象徵。這隻反映了英國在一項如此重要的賽事來臨時對旅遊基礎建設的投入嚴重不足。換句話說，是英國政府怠慢了你們。別不開心，政府對我們也不咋地。

Canadians: I'm afraid that while you are here you will be repeatedly mistaken for Americans and blamed for all sorts of stuff you had nothing to do with. Unless you can think of a quick and simple way to distinguish yourselves at a glance – flower in lapel? Saddle shoes? Maple leaf eyepatch? – then you are just going to have to suck it up.

加拿大人：到了英國，你們恐怕會一次又一次地被人誤認爲是美國人，還會因爲那些和你們毫無關聯的事情而備受指責。除非你能想出一種簡便快速的辦法，讓人一眼就能看出你是加拿大人（在衣領上夾一朵花？穿馬鞍鞋？戴楓葉圖案的眼罩？）要不然你也就只能慢慢習慣，不再抱怨了。

Americans: While you're here, why not pretend to be Canadian? Very few Britons can tell the difference, and it will allow you to rescue yourself from awkward conversations about the death penalty.

美國人：對於你們來說，乾脆裝成是加拿大人好了。英國人很難判斷你們之間的區別，這樣你們就可以避免捲入到關於死刑的尷尬談話中了。

r no circumstances should you ask your taxi driver how excited he is about having the Olympics in London this summer. It's not that he will be reluctant or embarrassed to offer a personal opinion on the matter. That is not the problem at all.

1.無論在什麼情況下都不要問出租車司機，對於今年夏天倫敦的奧運會有多麼激動。不是說他會勉強或尷尬地發表個人意見，而是你根本就不該問這個問題。

dy here can answer any questions you have about fencing. Google it.

2.這裏沒有人能夠回答你問的任何關於擊劍的問題。還是去google一下吧。

no attention to those bow-tied etiquette experts you sometimes see on CNN International, telling you how to behave while in Britain. These people are generally of dubious provenance, normally live in California and tend to peddle advice that is either irrelevant or out of date. For example, they will often say that Britons love queuing and are so fond of apologising that they will often say "sorry" even when something isn't their fault. In reality, Britons are just as likely to jump to the front of a queue and then punch the person behind them for coughing. It all depends on how muggy it is.

3.別理會那些出現在CNN國際頻道里、告訴你英國行爲規範的打領結的專家。這些傢伙通常來歷不明，自己住在美國加州，卻試圖提供一些要麼不相干要麼過時了的建議。比如說，他們通常會告訴你，英國人喜歡排隊；喜歡說對不起，即使有時候並不是他們的錯誤。而事實上，英國人也喜歡插隊，而且還會用咳嗽把排在他們後面的人也嚇跑。這取決於天氣有多悶熱潮溼。

ish people may seem to apologise a lot, but it doesn't quite mean the same thing here. In the UK, "I'm sorry" actually means either a) I didn't hear you; b) I didn't understand you; or c) I both heard and understood you, and I think you're an idiot.

4.英國人似乎總是喜歡道歉，但道歉的意義並不相同。在英國，“對不起”實際可能表示這幾種意思：（1）我沒聽清你說什麼；（2）我沒明白你的意思；（3）我聽到了你說的，也明白你的意思，可我覺得你是個白癡。

ons love bleak humour: that's why all the hire bikes are branded with the name of a bank currently being investigated for fixing interest rates. It's supposed to be funny.

5.英國人喜歡冷幽默：這就是爲什麼所有出租的自行車都刻着同一家銀行的名字，而這家銀行正因爲固定利率而在被調查階段。他們也許覺得這很有趣吧。

on's bike hire scheme couldn't be simpler, by the way: just go up to the terminal at any docking station, pay by card and take away one of our so-called "Boris bikes". When you're done with it, simply throw it into the nearest canal. They're disposable!

順便說一句，倫敦的自行車租賃制度再簡單不過了：走到任何一個租車點，刷卡付費就可以帶走一輛自行車。當你使用完畢時，把車丟在附近的河裏就行。這些自行車都是一次性的！

not ask a policeman the best way to get to the West End or how to use an Oyster card. He wants to help, but he's from the West Midlands.

7.別問警察怎樣去倫敦西區最快，也別問他如何使用牡蠣交通卡。他也很想幫你，不過他是從西米德蘭茲郡來的。

se aid the Olympic authorities and organisers by demonstrating at all times that you are not a terrorist. Do not perspire, take off your shoes, smile in a weird way while texting someone, or point and shout: "Hey! Look at all those missiles on that roof over there!" In fact, if you're not using your hands for anything, it's probably best if you keep them in the air where everybody can see them.

8.請時刻注意證明你不是恐怖分子，這樣就是對奧運組委會和主辦方最大的幫助。別沒事冒冷汗，別隨便脫鞋子，別一邊發短信一邊詭異的微笑，別指着某處大喊：“嘿！看導彈部署在那邊屋頂上！” 事實上，如果你的手閒着沒事兒，最好能放在讓所有人都能看見的地方。

here in the UK want nothing more than to provide you, our guests, with a fantastic experience this summer, combining the best in international sport, brilliant facilities, fantastic entertainment and a cultural legacy that draws on centuries of excellence in art and architecture. If you ended up with four tickets for the wrestling at the ExCel Centre, well, better luck next time.

9.親愛的貴客們，我們希望英國能爲你們貢獻一個美好的夏天，這個夏天包括了頂尖的國際賽事、先進的設施、有趣的娛樂、以及彙集了幾個世紀的藝術建築精華的文化遺產。如果你最終只收獲了四張卓著國際中心的摔跤比賽門票，好吧，祝你下次好運。