雙語情感文章：當妻子掙得更多時

摘錄：不過這裏有個前提條件：男性們希望自己的收入，從理論上，足以支付家中的日常開支。當達不到這個標準時，他們會感覺憤怒、羞愧和暴躁。而他們的妻子往往會感覺到不滿和壓力。

I'm one of the 40% of American women, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, who are the breadwinners for their families-that is, we earn more than our husbands. Like millions of my sisters, this puts me smack in the middle of a distinctively modern dilemma: how to handle the tensions of a marriage between an alpha woman and a beta man.

My husband, an antiques restorer whose field has all but evaporated as a result of the recession, does his best to help with chores and child care, while earning enough to pay utilities and car-insurance bills. I'm the one who works an octopus-armed 12- to 14-hour day, often seven days a week. When I finally come to bed, I'm depleted and vibrating with anxiety.

根據美國勞工統計局(Bureau of Labor Statistics)的數據，美國有40%的女性是家中的頂樑柱──也就是說，她們的收入比自己的丈夫要高。而我就是這40%中的一員。如同我那數百萬名女性同胞一樣，這讓我陷入了當代社會獨有的一個困境之中：該如何面對夫妻之間因女強男弱而帶來的緊張關係。

我先生是一位古董修復師，而由於經濟衰退，他這個行當幾乎是全軍覆沒了。我先生掙來的錢足夠支付水電煤氣的費用，以及我們的汽車保險費，與此同時，他還在盡力幫着做家務和照顧孩子。我是家中那個每天像八爪魚似的工作12到14個小時而且往往一週要工作七天的人。終於能上牀睡覺時，我總是筋疲力盡，心中還充滿了焦慮。

We're hardly alone. Over the past couple of years, articles and books have declared that the end of men is nigh and that female alphas are surging. The husbands of these hard-charging women have largely been painted either as stay-at-home slacker dudes who play videogames (while their toddlers pee on the rug for the third time that day) or saint-like dads who supportively cook, clean and run errands, to say nothing of handling doctors' appointments and homework assignments.

我們並不是特例。過去幾年間，不少文章和書籍都曾宣稱，男性主導的時代行將結束，強勢的女性正在崛起。躲在那些衝鋒陷陣女性背後的男士們大多被描述成兩類：要麼是宅在家裏整天打遊戲的懶鬼(而這時候他們蹣跚學步的孩子卻一天之內第三次尿在了地毯上)，要麼就是聖人一般偉大的爸爸，全力支持妻子，會做飯、打掃房間、跑腿做雜事，更不用說處理跟醫生預約以及幫着孩子完成家庭作業這類事情了。

Such portraits are exaggerated, of course, and represent the extremes of a continuum. Perhaps because men of this generation were raised in the wake of the women's movement, a culture that introduced values of equality, many of them don't seem to have a problem with their wives earning more than they do.

當然，這類描述都有些誇張，只代表了普羅大衆中的極端特例。或許由於這一代男性是在女權運動(女權運動起到了啓蒙平等價值觀的作用)發生之後長大的，因此他們中的許多人對於妻子掙得比自己多這樣的事情並不介意。

There's one caveat, though: The men want their own salaries alone to be enough, in theory, to float the family. When they can't meet this standard, they can feel enraged, shamed, explosive. And their wives often feel resentful and pressured.

不過這裏有個前提條件：男性們希望自己的收入，從理論上，足以支付家中的日常開支。當達不到這個標準時，他們會感覺憤怒、羞愧和暴躁。而他們的妻子往往會感覺到不滿和壓力。

'I don't think so much about gender roles, but I do feel angry and helpless because I can't financially support the family unit,' says Greg McFadden, 39, an actor and stay-at-home dad, whose wife, Shannon Hummel, 38, serves as breadwinner (they have one child, age 6). She works as a teacher and as artistic director of a Brooklyn dance company. 'I'm sick of reading these articles and daddy blogs, about how 'empowered' men are to be caretakers. Ask them how they feel about not earning a paycheck.'

現年39歲的格雷格?麥克法登(Greg McFadden)是一位演員，也是一位居家父親，他38歲的妻子香農?赫梅爾(Shannon Hummel)是養家的主力(他們有一個孩子，今年六歲)。香農是一位老師，同時在布魯克林一家舞蹈公司任藝術總監。格雷格說，“我不是特別介意性別角色，不過由於我不能從財力上支撐一個家，我的確會感覺懊惱無助。我煩透了那些爸爸們寫的男性在照顧家庭方面如何‘強大’之類的文章和博客了，問問他們掙不到錢什麼感覺吧。”

How many families are in this situation? It depends a lot on income level. An April report by the Center for American Progress looked at U.S. women who earn as much or more than their husbands and found that 34% of wives in families with incomes in the top 20% are the breadwinners, whereas 70% of those in the bottom 20% are. Roughly half of wives are the breadwinners in middle-income families.

有多少美國家庭處於這種狀況?這很大程度上取決於收入水平。美國進步中心(Center for American Progress)今年4月份發表了一份關於收入水平與丈夫相同或者更高女性的報告。這份報告顯示，家庭收入位列全美前20%的家庭中，女性是養家主力的比例是34%，而在家庭收入最低的20%家庭中，女性收入較高的比例是70%。對於中等收入家庭而言，女性爲養家主力的比例大約是一半。

The emotional dynamic between these women and their husbands also varies greatly, depending on family circumstances. In a recent poll of 400 female breadwinners conducted by the women's financial media site , only 22% of wives without children felt a negative impact on their marriages. But it was a different story for women with children-36% felt their higher earnings had a negative effect.

由於家庭環境不同，女性和她們丈夫之間的情感互動狀況也大不相同。女性理財網站近來對400位作爲養家主力的女性進行了一項調查，結果顯示，其中沒有孩子的女性中，只有22%的人感覺她們的婚姻受到了負面影響。不過對於有孩子的女性來說，則完全是另外一回事兒了，其中36%的人感覺比丈夫收入高對她們的婚姻產生了負面影響。

An obvious sore spot with many husbands in such marriages is the reversal of traditional gender roles. In San Diego, former airline-shuttle operator Conan Cott, the husband of U.S. Navy computer-systems and organization specialist Michele Cott, has been caring for the couple's 4-year-old twins since they were born. While Conan says 'it is great to be able to see my children grow and learn,' his role as keeper of the home rankles. 'The lawn needs to be watered, the cat box is stinky, there are dirty socks in the living room, silverware in the grass out back, and I can't get those children to get to bed at 7:30 no matter how hard I try,' he says.

對於處於這樣婚姻狀況的許多男性而言，一個顯然不能觸碰的痛處在於，傳統的性別角色被顛倒了。聖地亞哥前機場大巴司機科南?科特(Conan Cott)自孩子出生起就一直在家照顧他們現如今已經四歲的一對雙胞胎。科南的妻子米歇爾?科特(Michele Cott)是美國海軍電腦系統和組織方面的專家。雖然科南說，“能夠看着我的孩子們一天天成長並學會新東西，這很棒。”不過管家的角色卻讓他有些頭痛，他說，“草地該澆水了，貓砂已經臭烘烘的了，臥室裏到處都是臭襪子，銀餐具丟在外面的草地上，而不管我多努力，都沒辦法在7:30前讓孩子們上牀睡覺。”

Michele says, 'I hear myself saying things that the stereotypical husband says, and he replies with the stereotypical wife response. All of this puts immense pressure on our marriage.'

米歇爾說，“我聽見自己在說着那些典型的丈夫們說的話，而他的回答也是典型的妻子們的回答。所有這些都讓我們的婚姻承受着巨大的壓力。”

In New York City, Matthew Perry works part-time while his wife M.P. has a high-paying office job as an editor. Matthew feels taken for granted and professionally trapped in the way that many contemporary stay-at-home moms often do. 'M.P. doesn't have to worry about having to cover child care here and there. It's always me who has to subtract from my work day,' he says.

住在紐約市的馬修?佩裏(Matthew Perry)從事兼職工作，而他的妻子M.P.是一位拿着高薪的編輯。如同許多當代的居家媽媽那樣，馬修感覺自己在職業方面陷入了困境。他說，“M.P.不必爲如何照顧孩子而操心。不得不從工作中分心出來的那個人總是我。”

Pressure eases up-and perceptions seem to change-when husbands' salaries are enough to support the family should the wives' pay evaporate. That's the case with public-relations executive Alison Risso, 39, who makes twice as much as her husband, Jon, a civil engineer; their children are aged 6 and 8. The way Jon sees it, he and his wife want different things from their careers but share the same family goals and values.

若是丈夫的薪酬足以在妻子沒有收入的情況下支撐起這個家，那麼壓力會緩和許多，而且雙方的看法似乎也會不一樣。艾莉森?瑞索(Alison Risso)一家就是這種情況。今年39歲的艾莉森是一位負責公關業務的高層管理者，她的收入是她做土木工程師的丈夫喬恩(Jon)的兩倍。他們有兩個孩子，一個六歲，一個八歲。在喬恩看來，他和妻子只是在職業道路上所追求的目標有所不同，但倆人在家庭目標和價值觀上是一致的。

'I'm not the ambitious type like Alison, so I'm happy for her to make more money because there is no pressure on me to have to work my way up the ladder to become vice president,' Jon says. Plus, less executive responsibility translates into more flexibility to work on a family-friendly schedule. He is home on time to pick the children up from school and cook dinner, since Alison is rarely back from the office before 7 p.m.

喬恩說，“我不像艾莉森那麼雄心勃勃，因此她掙錢更多我也很開心，因爲這樣我就沒有壓力了，不必非要去奮力拼搏當上副總裁不可了。”另外，工作上少一些管理方面的職責意味着可以有更靈活的時間安排來處理家中的事情。由於艾莉森很少在晚上七點前從辦公室回來，喬恩便會準時回家接孩子放學、做晚飯。

As for the Brooklyn couple Shannon and Greg, they've arrived at a workable, if sometimes shaky, arrangement. She acknowledges that she has to be better at appreciating Greg's difficulties in juggling both child care and unpredictable work. But she also insisted that she needs a vacation. 'I want to go away for two weeks in the summer, and that means that to swing it, we're house-swapping and cooking all our own food,' she says. 'But it's worth it. That reward needs to be there, or the whole thing falls apart.'

至於上文提到過的布魯克林的香農和格雷格，他們已經做出了一個可行的安排，儘管這安排也許不一定奏效。香農承認她必須給予格雷格更多的理解，體諒他一邊照料孩子一邊面對不穩定的工作時的辛苦。不過她也堅持說，自己需要一個假期。她說，“今年夏天我想離開兩週，這意味着會有些變化，我們會和別人交換住房，然後全部自己做飯吃。不過，這樣做也值得。需要有些獎勵，否則整個家可能會都垮掉。”

Greg says, 'When you reach philosophical agreement, it does help melt away resentment. But even though we're on the same page, we're not really there yet. It's a work in progress.'

格雷格說，“當你們豁達地取得了一致，這的確有助於緩解各自的怨恨情緒。不過儘管我們的想法達成了大體一致，但我們尚未真正做到。我們還在努力中。”