爲什麼女人會揹着老公出軌

One of the More interesting facts in Esther Perel's new book, State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, comes near the beginning.
埃斯特·佩雷爾在新書State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity的開頭描述了一個很有趣的事實。

Since 1990, notes the psychoanAlyst and writer, the rate of married women who report they've been unfaithful has increased by 40 percent, while the rate among men has remained the same.
這位心理學家和作者提到，自1990年以來，結婚女性出軌的比例增長了40%，而男性出軌比例保持不變。

More women than ever are cheating, she tells us, or are willing to admit that they are cheating -- and while Perel spends much of her book examining the psychological meaning, motivation, and impact of these affairs, she offers little insight into the significance of the rise itself.
現在，女性出軌的人數比以往更多，她告訴我們，或者願意承認出軌的人數增多--雖然佩雷爾書裏的大部分內容都在考慮這些外遇的心理意義、動機和影響，但她也說出了對比例增長本身的想法。

So what exactly is happening inside marriages to shift the numbers? What has changed about monogamy or family life in the past 27 years to account for the closing gap? And why have so many women begun to feel entitled to the kind of behavior long accepted (albeit disapprovingly) as a male prerogative?
所以婚姻究竟發生了什麼，這一數字又爲何增長呢？過去27年來，一夫一妻制和家庭生活發生了什麼變化，導致這一差距變小呢？爲什麼這麼多的女性開始享受長期被認爲是男性特權（雖然不被贊成）的行爲呢？

These questions first occurred to me a few years ago when I began to wonder how many of my friends were actually faithful to their husbands.
幾年前我第一次想到這些問題，當時我開始思考我的朋友中，究竟有幾個人是對自己的老公忠貞不二的。

From a distance, they seemed happy enough, or at least content. Like me, they were doing the family thing. They had cute kids, mortgages, busy social lives, matching sets of dishes. On the surface, their husbands were reasonable, the marriages modern and equitable. If these women friends were angry unfulfilled or resentful, they didn't show it.
從遠處看，她們看起來很開心，或者至少很滿意。像我一樣，她們也忙碌着家裏的各種瑣事。她們的孩子很可愛、要還貸款、社交生活很忙，還要配套餐具。表面上看，她們的丈夫明事理，她們的婚姻是現代的、平等的。如果這些女性朋友感到生氣、不滿足或怨恨，她們也不會表現出來。

Then one day, one of them confided in me she'd been having two overlapping affairs over the course of five years.
有一天，她們中有個人告訴我，她在過去5年出軌了兩次。

Almost before I'd finished processing this, another friend told me she was 100 percent faithful to her husband, except when she was out of town for work each month. Not long after, another told me that while she'd never had sex with another man, she'd had so many emotional affairs and inappropriate email correspondences over the years that she'd had to buy a separate hard drive to store them all.
幾乎在我消化這一信息之前，又一個朋友告訴我她對她丈夫百分百的忠貞，只不過她每週都要外出工作。不久後，有一個朋友告訴我雖然她從未和其他男人發生過性關係，但這幾年來，她有多次精神出軌，而且還發了一些不雅信函，爲此她不得不單買一個硬盤存儲這些東西。

What surprised me most about these conversations was not that my friends were cheating, but that many of them were so nonchalant in the way they described their extramarital adventures. There was deception but little secrecy or shame.
在這些對話中，最讓我吃驚的不是我的朋友都出過軌，而是她們在描述婚外情故事時的漠然。她們欺騙了自己的丈夫，但她們卻並不覺得這是祕密，也不覺得羞恥。