不應相信的幸福神話

和對的人結婚，就能幸福；找到一份理想的工作，就能幸福；擁有了豪宅，就能幸福……關於幸福，我們有很多“神話”，但是真相是什麼呢？

Happiness is a serious moneymaker. People around the world spend hundreds of billions of dollars trying to avoid the tough stuff and feel good about themselves, whether that’s through prescription pills, going crazy with dieting and fitness, or that time-tested elixir of life: alcohol.

幸福是棵正兒八經的搖錢樹。世界各地的人們花費數千億美元來躲避難關、尋求快樂，要麼服用處方藥、瘋狂節食和健身，要麼求助久經考驗的長生不老藥——酒精。

As a psychotherapist who helps people bump their overall happiness level up a few notches, I’ve heard pretty much all of the myths out there about happiness. The worst part is that these myths actually make you unhappy (messed up, right?) – so ditching them is, paradoxically, part of finding happiness.

作爲心理治療師，我幫助人們提升整體幸福的層次。我幾乎聽說過所有關於幸福的神話。而最糟糕的是，這些神話其實會讓你不幸福（亂了，是嗎？）——所以，擺脫這些神話，反而是尋找幸福的一部分。

When you achieve [whatever goal you’re going after], you’ll be happy

實現了（你追求的目標），你就會幸福

Land the promotion, the spouse, the Lambo, the goal weight, the condo, whatever it is – you’ll finally experience eternal happiness. Hey, it’s not your fault for believing this, since you’ve likely been fed the American dream since the moment you escaped from the womb.

無論是職務晉升、尋得伴侶、購得跑車、體重達標，還是擁有公寓——實現了，你就會感受到無限的幸福。嘿，相信這種神話並不是你的錯，因爲你一出生就被灌輸了這種美國夢。

But this logic is flawed. Achievements don’t protect you from feeling like crap, and they definitely don’t make you superhuman. Multimillionaires still get depressed. People with “perfect” bodies still get dumped. Steady, passive income doesn’t protect you from losing someone to cancer. If you can start appreciating where you are, rather than basing your sense of fulfillment on some future accomplishment, you’ll be much closer to happiness.

但它的邏輯漏洞百出。即使取得各種成就，也並不會讓你感覺良好，更絕對不會讓你變成超人。百萬富翁也會有心情抑鬱的時候。擁有“完美”身材的人也會失戀。穩定、被動的收入不會保證你身邊的人不因癌症去世。如果你能開始欣賞目前的處境，而不是依賴還未實現的某項成就帶來的滿足感，你就會離幸福更近。

When you find the right person, you’ll be happy

遇到了對的人，你就會幸福

If you think being in a relationship is necessary for happiness, you’re going to feel inadequate and probably anxious when you’re single. There’s no doubt a strong relationship can make your life better in a lot of ways, but it’s certainly not a requirement. In fact, many people feel lonelier and more disconnected in a relationship than outside of one.

如果你認爲只有談戀愛才能幸福，那你會在單身時感到空虛，還很可能感到焦慮。毫無疑問，一段良好的戀愛關係能在很多方面讓你的人生更棒，但這並不是必要條件。事實上，相比起單身，很多人在戀愛中感到更加孤獨、更加與世隔絕。

When you’re unhappy, it’s natural to blame your relationship status, but try not to – instead of waiting for your “soulmate” to bump into you like your life is a John Cusack movie, see if there are other ways to meet your needs. You know, ways that are in your control.

當你感到不幸福，你會很自然地怪罪於情感狀態，但是，請不要這樣做，而要想其他辦法滿足你的需要，而不是等待你的“靈魂伴侶”突然出現在你面前，畢竟你的人生不是約翰·庫薩克的電影。要知道，方法就在你的掌控中。

Being happy means you’ll never feel like crap

感覺幸福意味着永遠不會心情糟糕

It’s no coincidence that a lot of these myths are clichés from fairytales, and nowhere is that more evident than humankind’s steadfast belief in happy endings. No! Not that kind!

許多這樣的神話都是來自童話故事的陳腔濫調，這絕不是巧合——沒有什麼比人們對美好結局的嚮往更堅定。不！可不是那麼回事！

The “happily ever after” stuff just isn’t real. To be human is to feel, and it’s a guarantee that you’ll feel disappointment, loss, anger, guilt, sadness, fear, conflict, embarrassment, frustration, and so on and so on. These feelings are universal; happiness is about being able to make space for ALL these shitty emotions, not just the positive ones. They’re not a sign of brokenness or pathology. They mean you’re not a robot or a psychopath.

“幸福永存”之類的話根本就是假的。人生在世就是要體驗。你肯定會體驗到失望、失落、憤怒、愧疚、悲傷、恐懼、矛盾、尷尬、挫折，等等。這些情緒人皆有之；幸福是能夠包容所有這些糟糕情緒，而不僅僅是那些積極的情緒。這些情感不是衰弱或者病態的象徵，而是意味着你不是機器人或者精神病人。

So, the next time you find yourself seeking happiness, double-check to make sure you’re not looking in all these wrong places.

所以，下次發現自己在尋找幸福的時候，要反覆確認——是否在這些方面出了問題。