工作中遭遇"職場惡霸"該怎麼辦?
Most of what we know about bullying comes from the schoolyard. There is a broad body of research on the subject and it’s being discussed more and more in the media, including in public service announcements about how to teach kids to stick up for picked-on classmates. About one-third of people report being bullied as a child with about five to 10 percent reporting being severely victimized.
當提及“欺壓”一詞，我們想到的是學校裏孩子間的行爲。關於學校裏孩子間恃強力弱的研究很多，社會也越來越關注這個問題，很多公衆機構大力宣傳如何教育自己的孩子不在學校被欺負和欺負別人。大約有三分之一的人告白自己在學校裏被欺負過，其中有百分之十受到過很嚴重的傷害。Kids can be cruel, but bullying is not a strictly childhood phenomenon. Many adults report being bullied at work, and the net effect of these toxic behaviors can leave us feeling humiliated, ashamed, embarrassed, intimidated and even depressed. Bullying is intentional hostility or aggression that is repeatedly directed at a target person who is usually less powerful than the bully. The hostilities can be emotional or physical, and the acts toward the target are done to coerce, intimidate or gain and maintain power. The topic of bullying in the workplace is a relatively new area of research (though, surely, people have been bullying each other for as long as they’ve worked together), but it is one that is growing rapidly.
孩子欺負孩子有時候會顯得很殘酷，然而，“欺壓”的現象卻不是隻在學校出現的。很多成年人在工作中也受到過類似學校“欺壓”的待遇。在工作做受到職場惡霸的欺壓，會使我們感到屈辱、羞愧、尷尬、威脅甚至抑鬱。職場欺壓是一種敵視或侵略行爲，在職場中，被欺壓的人往往處於權利的劣勢地位。職場欺壓是個相對較新的研究話題（儘管從人們一開始在一起工作就有這種現象），然而，針對這個話題的研究也在不斷進步。
Recognizing a Bully
什麼叫職場欺壓
Most simply, if you are repeatedly tormented and singled-out for intimation by a person who is trying to gain and use power over you, or to simply wear you down and frustrate you, then you’re being bullied.
非常簡單，在職場中，如果你被同事反覆欺負，或是收到威脅暗示；如果你被同事打擊或是給你小鞋穿，那麼你就遭遇了職場欺壓。If, on the other hand, your boss is simply a mean person and yells at you and everyone else quite a lot (like in "The Devil Wears Prada"), this is likely not bullying. It’s not always black or white; the line of what is and isn’t bullying can become very blurred.
從另一方面講，如果你的老闆是個脾氣很火爆的人，老師對你和你的同事吼三吼四（就像電影‘穿普拉達的惡魔’裏的老闆一樣）這樣的情況不算是職場欺壓。是不是職場欺壓沒有一個明確的定義，比較難界定。Let’s assume, for the sake of discussion, that it is your immediate supervisor who’s after you. This woman, let’s call her Fran, is jealous of your performance. You’re far out-pacing her productivity when she was in your position, and it’s clear upper management has you on the radar for a promotion, perhaps even before Fran.
爲了讓你更明白，我們做個假設。比方說，你的直接上司是個女人，叫弗蘭。她很嫉妒你的才幹，因爲你的工作能力比她強很多。你們的領導想要提拔你，也許職位會高過弗蘭。What does Fran do that’s so bad? Well, for starters, she always gives you assignments at about 4:45 p.m., right before it’s time to quit for the day. These assignments are always urgent, and they often come on Friday afternoons.
這時候，弗蘭做了什麼呢？最開始，她總是把工作拖到4:45才交給你做，在這以前，你什麼工作都沒有。這個工作呢，一般是很着急需要完成的。這樣的事一般會在週五下午發生。Fran also undermines you in public. She puts you down in subtle ways in front of others (“I liked your presentation at the meeting—I barely even noticed when you misreported those sales numbers.”), then explodes on you in emails, calling your ideas stupid and your choices unprofessional. On several occasions she has had the gall to lament about why you don’t treat her better, suggesting you’re not a team player. When other people are around, she sometimes supports your ideas, but everyone can sense her true feelings and your co-workers have even started to ask you why she dislikes you so much.
弗蘭也會在其他人面前陰你，她會讓你不經意就落入她設好的圈套。(“我喜歡你在會上的發言——我幾乎沒聽出來你將銷售額報錯“)在發給你的郵件裏她要爆發一下，說你的建議愚蠢，說你的工作很不專業。在某些場合，她會在同事面前裝可憐說你對她不好。說你不合作。當其他同事在時，她有事會裝作很支持你的想法。當然大家都能感覺到弗蘭真正的想法，你的同事也會問你她爲什麼不喜歡你。
Does it sound like I know your bully? I have some personal experience with workplace and schoolyard bullying, and it’s true that one of the worst parts about it is feeling trapped, like there’s no way out of the situation.
這樣你事發生在你頭上過沒？我有過在學校和職場被欺壓的經歷。這樣的經歷讓人最難受的是覺得被困在了這樣一個環境裏，無處可逃。Putting an End to the Abuse
結束職場“被欺壓”
When I was in elementary school, I was bullied quite a lot. I was a chubby kid and my nickname at school was Saucy, short for Sausage. I remember one day some bullies took my shoes and played “keep away” as I ran around trying to get them back. After being taunted and taunted, I just quit, got down on the ground, and pretended I broke my leg chasing them.
當我上小學的時候，我經常被同學欺負，我當時有點胖，他們給我起了個外號叫“香腸娃”我現在都記得，有一天，一個愛欺負我的同學把我的鞋子脫了，我跟着他屁股後面追，想搶回我的鞋。在被嘲弄很久以後，我決定放棄追趕，我坐在了地下，裝腳受傷了。In fifth grade, I started growing faster than almost anyone else. I hit puberty early and was stronger than a lot of the other kids. Finally, the day came when I decided I had enough of the school bully. When he came to work me over for the millionth time, I punched him right in the face. I did a preemptive strike, laid him out, and that was that. I was not bullied again.
五年級的時候，我張的比我的同學快，青春期的提前到來使我的個子比很多孩子都大。雪恥的一天終於到了，那個老欺負的孩子又來煩我，我一拳打到他右邊臉上。我的先發制人讓他滾了蛋，就這樣，我學校欺凌史終於結束。That tactic might work fine on the playground, but I do not advise punching your bully’s lights out in the break room. When the bully is your boss or manager, you can’t simply “stand up” to him or her, because doing so means you’ll either lose your job or this approach will make matters worse. Instead, here’s what I suggest you do:
這樣的策略在學校是可以的，我卻絕對不會建議你用拳頭還擊職場上欺壓你的人。如果在職場上欺負你的那個人是你的老闆或經理，你不能只是簡單地在他們面前“拍案而起”，因爲這樣的後果就是你可能被開掉，或是讓事情變得更糟。這是我建議你遇到職場霸王時，你應該做的：First, know your rights. Most workplaces have clear policies about harassment. These policies outline the steps you can take to make complaints and initiate changes. (I am not saying you should do so yet, but the first step is to learn about the actions you can take.) If you wanted to talk with someone in Human Resources, find out who you can go to. (Please don’t tell me it’s your bully!)
第一步，知道你的權力。很多單位對員工權益都會有明確的政策規定。政策會提示你該怎樣投訴，怎樣捍衛自己的權益。（我不是說你現在一定要這麼做，但至少你要知道自己是可以有途徑的）。如果你想找人力資源部投訴，明確你應該找誰講。（不要跟我說人力資源部的那個人就是你頭痛的職場霸王）Second, document, document, document. Make a list of all the ways Fran is undermining your efforts. Make sure to keep track of who else observed her act this way (including who “observed” her email actions) and when possible use direct quotes, or copy and paste from emails that contain the behaviors in question. In order to demonstrate that Fran is bullying you, the burden is on you (unfortunately) to show a clear and consistent pattern of intimidation, and to demonstrate that you are the specific target.
第二步，採證、採證、採證。記錄職場霸王對你的所作所爲。確保別人能開到職場霸王的劣跡（郵件也很重要）如果可以，儘量用直接證據，或是複印的原件。爲了向相關方面反映你一直被欺壓。Third, who are your friends? When we deal with stressful events, there’s no doubt that friends can help. Tell your friends what’s up—share your thoughts and feelings with the people you trust. When you do so, you want to talk about how you’re being impacted by the event, but you also want to get advice on at least two key questions. For one, is this real? Am I over-reacting, or does Fran really seem to have it out for me? Secondly, what would you do if you were me? Ask for practical, solution-focused support from your friends to help you get new ideas.
第三步，朋友的幫助很重要。當你面對這樣沮喪的工作環境，把你的窘迫向你的知心朋友傾訴一番，同時，向你的朋友要徵求兩個意見：第一，你是不是小題大做，反應過激了點兒？或是說，你的同事是不是真的在針對你？第二，如果你是我，你會怎麼做？從朋友那裏得到可行的，針對新的解決方案，或是得到啓發。Fourth, go see Fran. Don’t do it reactively after one of her attacks, but do it proactively when the water is calm. One way to be strategic is to use what’s called a “one-down” approach in which you talk with Fran in a very deferential manner. Remember, you’re trying to get her off your back, not convince her she’s a bully. Be specific and be direct, for example, “Fran, thanks for meeting with me. I want to talk about my work assignments. I know you’re so swamped with everything and that there’s a lot of important stuff happening, but I feel like my assignments often come right at the end of the day and sometimes even at the end of the week, which makes planning anything really difficult when we’re on a deadline. Is there a way we could work things out to solve this problem? I hate to ask this of you because you’re the boss, but I am hoping we can think of a good solution together.”
第四步，找你工作中難爲你的那個那個“弗蘭”攤牌。不要在起了衝突以後去找他/她談。應該在風平浪靜的時候攤牌。有個戰略叫“胯下之辱”，所以去談判的時候要謙卑一點。記住一點，你的目的是讓他/她不要在背後搞你，而不是提醒他/她，他/她在欺負員工。談判要具體直接，舉個例子，你可以這麼說“弗蘭，謝謝你抽時間見我，我想談談我的工作。 我知道你和很多領導每天都很忙，要處理很多工作，但我接到的工作很多時候都很晚，這讓我每次都完成的有點趕。可不可以我們想想，把這個問題解決一下？您是老闆，我這麼講可能不合適，但我也想配合您把工作儘量做到最好。Fifth, repeat step four. I don’t mean this to be coy or even funny, but I assume that change won’t come quickly. The next time Fran gives you a work assignment at 4:45 p.m., ask her about it directly and ask her if there’s any way it can be delayed given your earlier conversation.
第五步，重複第四步。我沒有惡搞的意思，但我估計，“弗蘭”不會很快就改變他的作風，所以，下一次“弗蘭”再將工作很遲交給你時，直接問她/他可不可以考慮一下以前你的提議。If the first five steps fail to make any improvement in your situation, I have two final suggestions. The sixth step is to return to Fran once again and to be even more direct (as direct as you can be without getting fired). Proceed cautiously as you think about what to do; once you go this route, there’s no turning back. Try this: “Thanks for seeing me again, Fran. I was hoping things would change based on our earlier conversations, but I feel like perhaps things have gotten a bit worse. Here’s the deal: I feel like you really don’t like me, and that I’ve done something to offend you in a pretty fundamental way. As a result, I think you’re angry at me most of the time and that you try to make it clear to me how you feel quite a lot. So, I am here to find out why you’re so upset with me and what we can do to make it better.”
如果前五步對你和“弗蘭”的關係都沒有改善，我只能使出殺手鐗。第六步，你還得找到“弗蘭”，然後更直接地告訴他/她你的想法（直接的限度就是你不能讓你自己給炒魷魚了）。要做這一步，你必須想清楚，一旦做了，就沒有回頭路了。可以這麼跟他/她說“謝謝你抽空見我，我希望我們的工作會因爲之前的會面而改善，但卻沒有。我覺得你是很不滿意我的工作，我想是不是我哪裏沒做好得罪了你。所以很多工作中讓你有很多不滿意。我今天來就是想問問你，我是哪一點做的不好，希望以後的工作裏，我們能改善關係。”After you say your piece, just stop. Listen. What does Fran have to say? She’s going to do one of two things. She’ll either tell you that you’re crazy and chew you out even more, of if she has any brains whatsoever, she’ll back the hell down. If she goes crazy, proceed immediately to the next step. If she finally hears you—perhaps only after you give her a glimpse of the evidence—then there’s a real chance for some change. Now, you’re in the driver’s seat.
說完了以後，你就不要再講什麼，聽他/她怎麼說。“弗蘭”這時會怎樣反應？他/她無非會最以下舉動，他/她會告訴你，你想多了，然後解釋一番。如果他/她還會用大腦思考，從此以後會有所收斂。但是。如果他/她在這時還是不講理，你就必須趕快走出最後一步棋子。讓他/她看到你收集的所有他/她在工作中欺凌你的證據，也許這樣，這個“弗蘭”纔會真正聽進去你說你，你也從新掌握了主動權。Last step: Go over Fran’s head. Most workplaces take these kinds of issues very seriously, and you need to remember that Fran has a lot to lose by continually harassing you. Think about the best person to speak to. If you go over her head but find an ineffective leader, you risk making her even more upset. Once you start up the chain of command, you need to go as far up as needed until you find someone who will be a real ally. You need Fran’s boss to indicate to her directly that anything short of a complete change of attitude is unacceptable.
最後一步，向上級反映。一般來講，單位會對這種職場欺壓的案件很重視，你要知道，“弗蘭”對你的騷擾也會讓他/她自己有所損失，搞明白哪個上級是你最好的投訴對象，如果你找到的上級不能很有效的處理這件事，你可能會讓“弗蘭”對你的成見更深。一旦你走上投訴的路，你一定要儘量找到真正能爲你講話的人。這個人能直接告訴“弗蘭”如果他/她不轉變態度，後果會很嚴重。Find someone who can sit you both down together and help you air your grievances, then set a plan for moving forward. Remember, as much as you want Fran to suffer, you goal is simply to get her off your back and get on with your work. If there’s a way for Fran’s boss to help “solve” the situation without actually punishing her, this would be best. It won’t fulfill your sense of cosmic justice or need for revenge, but it will lead to more harmony, and that’s the most important thing in the end.
找上級可以安頓你和“弗蘭”的工作關係，同時也可以安撫你，讓你對“弗蘭”的怨氣煙消雲散。然後安心工作。記住，你的目標是擺脫“弗蘭”的騷擾，從此好好工作，如果上級解決你們的問題時並沒有懲罰“弗蘭”的所作所爲，那是最好的結果。你不需要覺得正義被伸張了，或是報仇了。只需要更多的和諧，這纔是最重要的。
